This is tough. But I think it’s also needed. Some friends will want to read, others will pass on. This last year has been a roller coaster for me personally. I’ve had lots of people ask if things are ok, where have I been, etc. I don’t talk about it a lot because there’s still lots of stigma attached. I have been battling with clinical depression and anxiety for the better part of a year. There have been other major personal challenges that I care not to get into as well. I had no longer felt the drive or desire to work out and compete in triathlons; which in hindsight probably contributed to my condition. With the help of friends I was able to seek medical advice and have been working on managing things.
I don’t mean to write this as a “woe is me” post. I’ve had plenty of those moments over the past few months, and appreciate those who stood by my side and helped me through. It’s amazing how life is full of challenges, we know there will be troubles, yet it always seems to blind side us. Well at least me anyway, your mileage may vary. Someone posted today about how in order for star to be born, a nebula has to collapse. And it’s ok to crumble and collapse. It’s the sign of our birth, not our destruction. It got me thinking about where I currently am. Dissatisfied and out-of-order. I looked through some pictures of last year and remembered how things were and how I was in the best shape of my life. But then I let things go. Some voluntarily, others forced. But it’s time to move on. It’s time to let the collapse birth me into something new.
My commitment is to get back to where things were, and living a healthy lifestyle again. I know how to be there, but I forgot the path along the way. So I have to start somewhere, begin again. Breath, eat, walk. Live. I went for a run again this afternoon. It was sluggish, slow and sometimes painful. But it was the first step. I have to start again. I know the potential I have, and it’s far from where I currently am. Healthy living is not just a designation, but a journey. So I take these next steps knowing the pain, knowing it won’t be given to me freely. But I have to do it. It’s a challenge, and I will rise to the occasion.
Some friends have been beside me the entire journey and never left. Others have been pushed out inadvertently. It’s tough. It’s embarrassing. I don’t like the shell that I’ve slipped into. So I seek others to join me on the journey. Committing to living healthy lifestyles. Physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I hope to see you along the journey. The road traveled solo is lonely. So when you see the tubby guy trotting down the street, or riding his bike. Just give a friendly wave. And know he’s out there trying. It’s not just about running and cycling, but living. And I intend to do it all.
To pretend to be better than you are is a hypocrite. To try to be better than you are is to be a hero.